From my last blog you can probably tell I am a very anti prom person, but I am even more so now. So don’t think I am a complainer but growing up in a house where I was suppose to keep my dislikes to myself I feel this is my way of letting my feelings out. Well in summery my prom date who I haven’t seen in about well over seven months has the opposite schedule as mine. Hang out this Friday? Nope. Next Saturday? Eh not so sure. Well after cancelling my work plans for Sunday afternoon and losing $25 some dollars on my minimum wage I only work 8-12 hours a week paycheck it is pretty upsetting. This could only be maximized by the fact the one long week my parents go away what happens? He cant come over. I swear having a friendship with someone who lives as far as my grandparents (they live like 1/2 a mile apart).
So with senior year comes the joy of knowing I have prom…. the one day of every girls life in which they dream about since the where in middle school. Now in middle school I didn’t know that it was crucial to have a date, that dresses were expensive, and people suck. My prom is in a month and I am seriously counting down the days till I never have to deal with this shit ton of drama ever again.
Now for my date last year I was set up by a friend and decided to take this kid to my prom once again.. downside we are too busy to hang out all the time and well he hasn’t asked me to his prom which sucks. Now this sucks because I never got the asked the over dramatic romantic way like the videos on YouTube or anything. That’s all I want. Seriously it is.
Now if you are lucky to come up with a date then you have to worry about the dress, do you want long or short or plain or sparkles? Being under five foot and being gifted with a nice rack I have a hard time finding a dress which fits in all the right ways without going up to a size that embarrasses the shit out of me (and maybe if the shit did come out I could go down a dress size). SO after trying on many dresses made the mistake… going to Davids Bridal. LOng story short I feel in love with a $400 (including alteration). Then when push came to shove I just bought a simple sweet high low lavender dress from some online shop which seemed to solve my problems.
Long story short this dress drama put me through so much highs and lows I ask is it really worth all the price tags and dress searching just to spend one night with someone who didn’t even ask me. Being a girl sucks.
So I have a confession. As innocent as I made seem to appear on this computer screen I have a secret I took LSD when I was in 10th grade. Yes this seems crazy but it was in the heat of the moment and seemed right. Looking back those were my crazy years, while now all I want to do is cuddle up with a good book or a movie. But as those days have passed I still wonder what happened to the fun me?? I know I am only 17, but my LSD and drinking pot days washed down with a beer days are over. Did that stupidfy me? No I have an excellent SAT score and got into many great schools. But it did take away a part of me which I greatly regret.. my fun side. Yes I still have fun but there is something about that high and hook up with a random stranger who you refuse to let in your pants even after taking five shots of tequila. I don’t miss my friends who were there to experience those things with me because they like all other people took different directions most not continuing to higher education or attending the local community college down the street.
Sometimes I do see them there at the community college because I do parallel enrollment I see a whole other side of me in which dies slowly. This may be an awful for some people but for me its life. And sometimes they ask if I am free but like any other adult I am tied up in work and my family.
Drugs are bad and don’t do the hard ones, but my 10th grade junior year experiences taught me the value of growing up. I never plan on telling my kids about my drug days….
From reading my last blog you probably figured out that I am a virgin in a group of sex crazed teenagers with situations way beyond my experience. As I finished and looked at a few blogs that I am normal. There is nothing wrong with me. I am not picky but I am not desperate Girl.
This was from an article a friends forwarded to me on Facebook which gave an overview of the girl who attended one of these schools. There was the Asian nerd, the rich kid, the slut, and all other stereotypes which can be found at every school. But where do I fit in? I am not the straight A kid the rich kid, or the partier chick who has slept with half the football team.
As much as I wonder about my spot the sooner I realize how I cant let my school and major define me as a person and a student. Yes I may party and spend a weeknight in the school library, but why put myself in a category. Then I realize that for as much as I categorize myself, I do the same to other. So what do I do from here?
I created this blog to let out to strangers all over the world know the secrets I was told to keep. Now I know I am technically breaking the promise but it is necessary for me in order to keep from telling other people. Does this make sense? No it doesn’t, but what does is the fact I want to be a good friend but I am a very out in the open person scared of losing a friendship based on a rumor.
Now today I found out that in my group of me and three other girls I was the only virgin left. I was hurt because two of them didn’t tell me and the other one didn’t day it was the second guy she slept with. Freshmen year we thought I was going to lose my v card before anyone else because of my outgoing behavior and low tolerance for alcohol…… I was the “fun one” of the group but had my boundaries and concerns. I always loved telling my friends of my make out sessions, but was never seen as the slut.
I am classy and my closet looks like it just came out of Loft clothing store. Not old lady but not senior in high school either. This un slutty attire really only attracts a limited number of guys, but for me I always see myself as unique. I am not gorgeous but I do have a fair amount of likes on my Facebook profile pictures if that means anything.
Going to a big party school next year (Penn State University Park) I realized that there will be plenty of relationship and hookup opportunities, but this doesn’t mean I have to lose my virginity so fast it just means I have lots of people to choose (the guys there are super HOT).